week1

The Wine Challenge

First carried out after hours in the Blue Duck pub in Milford Sound, New Zealand, January 2007

Aims: To prove Big Dave and those snap-happy guys from Magic memories wrong and save Gemma from shame for not rising to their dare – that it is possible to drink a bottle of wine in under 5 minutes.

Hypothesis: Big Dave set the challenge thinking it was impossible. Being 18, I thought it was. Therefore, my hypothesis is that it is possible to drink a bottle of wine in under 5 minutes. However I did state that it would only be possible if the wine was white, as the red variety proves rather to heavy for the stomach. Therefore, after consultation of the menu, we selected Montana´s Sauvignon Blanc. If I was to succeed, Big Dave would pay the bill for it.

Method: Big Dave times me on his watch. On his mark, I pour the wine into the glass and start chugging and dont stop until the bottle is gone. As this was my experiment, I deemed it would only be possible if the wine was drunk from a glass, and not from necking it back. This also had the advantage of adding some class to the activity.

Results:

• The bottle was drunk in three minutes and 26 seconds. Time should be subtracted for the pauses taken to pour the wine into each glass. However given that it is well within the aim of 5 minutes, this was disregarded.

• Big Dave sat back in awe, his bushy blonde moustache framing his open-mouthed gape.

• Gemma yelled “Sweet!” and patted me on the back as I finished.

• Contrary to expectation, after three more minutes I began to feel the effects of the alcohol seeping through my body. Although an unforseen consequence of the experiment, as I was stone cold sober before the dare was set, this aspect gave the most exciting insight into the process of inebriation:

I was sitting on the stool, smug in my moment of glory, when suddenly my feet slipped off their perch on the footrest. They felt like lead weights. Then I could feel a tingly sensation crawl hastily up my legs, causing my thighs to sink into the seat, followed by my entire upper body slouching involuntarily and my neck losing all control. My head flopped onto my chest and I found myself as floppy and flexible as a puppet, unable to stay seated on the chair. My brain stayed completely sober though for at least another two minutes. In that time, I asked Gemma to carry me over to the bar, her freckly face morphing from amusement to concern and finally to hilarity as she realised what was happening. Erin the barman shared his cold pizza with me, although I couldn´t pick it up with my fingers so I tried to lap it up with my tongue (and I can´t begin to describe the humiliation of that in front of this American stud). Soon after, I passed out.

Conclusion: Yes, it is possible to drink a bottle of wine in under 5 minutes.

Evaluation: It was legendary to some, stupid, rash and dangerous to others, but the worst hangover in the world to me.